What is a good wife?

I was feeling pretty smug.  I’d just spent two hours doing household jobs I dislike including defrosting the freezer and cleaning the fridge.   My mind wondered back to our Ugandan trip the previous month and how different life was for those two weeks.  That brought me up short…  I remembered shopping at the local market every day (no online supermarket shopping in rural Uganda).  No luxuries like a fridge or freezer for most wives in Soroti.

This was my third trip to Uganda and once again I’d met amazing people who had both enriched my life and challenged some of my prejudices and ideas.

One particular lady came to mind as I pondered how different my life is in England.   Agnes stood out from the crowd. I met her at a Global Care Gift Day in Soroti.    Her lovely smiling face and relaxed attitude drew me to her.   She radiated warmth and serenity. Agnes is married – in a polygamous family with co wives. She has 4 children of her own and the family has a total of 8 children.    No-one in the family has a job except Agnes.  From her wages she supports 11 people.

Agnes is the sole teacher at a community nursery school.  The parents and guardians were concerned at the distance of pre-schools from their homes and decided to start their own facility.  Agnes was chosen because of her natural love and compassion for children and her experience of caring for little children. 

 

She would love to have some training, but neither she nor the community can afford any teacher training or qualification.  Agnes is paid about £10/month – but not every month.  When the community was struck by famine, families were stretched just to provide food and had nothing left to contribute for the children at the nursery.  Agnes continued to work even though she wasn’t paid for a whole term.

 

 

The nursery, Otatai Community Nursery School, started in 2010 and currently has 17 children attending aged 3-5 years.   There are many challenges facing parents and children, some prove insurmountable.  Often children can’t attend due to poor health.  The children start their day at 8am by sweeping their class.  They pray, recite the alphabet, draw and sing and go home again at 10.30am.  The day is short because they are so young and because there is no food to give them. The children cannot concentrate if they are hungry.

 

The children don’t have a classroom of their own; the school uses a grass thatched hall belonging to a Pentecostal church. The children share latrines and shelters with the church.   This is far from ideal.  There are no learning kits or teaching aids like blackboard or chalk.  I’d taken a book with me aimed at supporting parents in teaching young children to write (I spotted it when I was buying paper and pencils and put it in my shopping basket on a whim!). I gave it to Agnes.  She was delighted. I was humbled.

 

Global care has supported the nursery in several ways. The girls at the skills training school made uniforms from their practice materials.  The children received them at the gift day. 

 

Funds have come from the Global Care care shop. Supporters buy gifts such as school uniform, stationary and school packs. The Soroti office helps by typing and printing report cards and circular letters. 

 

 

 

Soroti childcare manager, Oumo David, told me that the community appreciates whatever support Global Care gives and they are willing to work to develop their enterprise.   He said there is no ray of hope that the government will provide anything for the education of these children.

 

Why does Agnes continue to run the nursery even when she knows she might not get paid? Because there is nowhere else that can help the children and provide early years education. Because she and the community see the value of bringing the children together in this way.

 

Next time I’m feeling smug, I’m going to think about Agnes and the children.  I think I need reminding that not every wife has the privilege of de-frosting a freezer and cleaning the fridge.  Now I’m going to look at The Care Shop  and PickTheBucket on the Global Care website.  I need reminding too that some people have very large extended families to support and that my job pays a lot more than £10/month.

 

 

Fish 'n no chips at the beach

I wasn’t expecting to be posting a blog relating to the last day in Uganda but we’ve had an excellent day and it feels like a fitting end to the part of this that relates to Soroti.  We left the Soroti Site at 6.30am after picking up a passenger, Peter, who we know from the Pamba PAG church. He was taking some papers to Kampala for his father – note this is the only reliable way to transport documents from Soroti.  We were happy for him to join us. He would make the 8hour journey with us, conduct his business and if he finished in time, get the afternoon bus back – which would take a lot longer than 8 hours. We decided it would be a good business initiative to set up a secure postal/delivery service between Northern towns and Kampala.

We stopped for a very mediocre and expensive breakfast at a new roadside café Tom wanted to try. The Rolex were very poor – basically an omelette wrapped in an old dry chapatti – no comparison to Pamba where they are fresh and piping hot and the egg soaks into the chapatti (how I’m going to miss them – and Michael says we missed the guy who makes the best!).  In the market they were 30p, can you believe they charged £1.50 at the cafe?  And the toliets…. Ok but not as good as the ones Michael stopped at on the way up.  For those who wonder about these things, this was my first trip without having to experience the joy of a pit latrine. Yipee!

Eventually we arrived in Kampala and went to visit Michael’s friend Maggie at her workplace. Kampala is a fascinating place – shanty towns, and huge new office blocks that wouldn’t be out of place in Leeds. The usual roadside stalls, and modern shopping centres. A big difference from the rural north is that women wear trousers and jewellery. The most striking thing is the traffic – cars, buses, taxis, bikes, all jostling for every inch of road space. At roundabouts the rule appears to be that the person with most nerve pushes through the traffic while other drivers weave round towards their exit.

We needed a plan as we had a few hours to fill, and Maggie suggested the beach! This turned out to be a brilliant plan and the four of us (tom & I and Maggie & Michael) set off for the Lido at Entebbe. We arrived to find a sandy beach on the shores of Lake Victoria with birds to watch, water to paddle in and a deserted seafront bar. My first ever visit to an African beach and it was drizzling and cloudy!

We spent an excellent afternoon chatting, laughing, and sharing a very tasty fried Tilapia. Fish and chips at Filey is no match for Tilapia at Lake Victoria. It was a brilliant way to end our trip, relaxing with our new friends.

The parting was all the more poignant for the special end to a truly fantastic trip.

I’m writing this waiting for the flight but I guess it will be posted when I’m awake enough to do it in Barnsley…

All my bags are packed

Today we’re clearing up and getting ready to go. We’re thinking about all the people we’ve met and places we’ve been, and what we have and haven’t achieved.  This morning we went into town to get cash and presents and ingredients to try and make a cake.  We found a gift shop we didn’t know existed and managed to find yet another local instrument to bring back to add to the collection.  Funniest moment was being served courgettes by the armed guard at the supermarket as the stall holder wasn’t there.  It’s a bit unnerving having a rifle waving in your face while you bend down to discuss and choose vegetables.

We seem to have accumulated a lot of mess – Tom is currently trying to sort out flipcharts which have bred on a daily basis.  We’re taking last minute photos of everyone and still deciding what can be fitted into this last day.  It will be interesting what appears when we empty the bags and boxes in our room – I suspect at least mouse droppings and a few dead insects though Tom just found a lizard behind some papers in his office.

We made a sticky toffee pudding African style – it’s not easy trying to find ingredients here and what we bought wasn’t quite what we’re used to. I’m quite impressed that I made something edible without scales and only half the recipe constituents. We’ve handed over the left over crafts and games and as the primary teachers are on strike today, the younger children are happily playing snap with the cards I found at the bottom of a bag. 

I feel so sad today, it will be a wrench to leave these lovely people behind after just getting to know some and renewing friendships with others. The question everyone is asking is ‘When are you coming back?’ – I wish I knew. The hard part will be deciding what to do about some of the things we’ve seen when we get back. Yes, I'm tearful - its such a long way and these are my friends I'm saying goodbye to.

We had a chat over lunch about our cultural differences – particularly gender issues. Here a man and is mother-in-law often don’t sit in the same room, the man cannot wear shorts in her presence and if he sees her in the street, he calls to her from a distance. Not quite the same as Tom and my Mum! There has been much amusement at my inability to behave like a proper African wife towards Tom.  He took me to meet a lady at the market who was concerned the other day that he was shopping – she was relieved to see me today.  I can't get my head round it - or all the implications - but it seems like something that needs understanding and exploring.

So, I’m ending where I started, I love this country in spite of our differences. After three visits I’m finally starting to get to grips with some of the cultural chasms between us, and beginning to understand I have to respect where some of the more challenging customs come from.  The people we’ve met here are incredibly accepting and welcoming to us, and they treat us with such respect – we need to do the same for them.  We also need to be aware of where we can help - by supporting communities in the areas they identify that sustainable improvements can be made.  The reason why I support Global Care is because I see an organisation that loves vulnerable children and will fight for their rights, but that respects the cultures of the countries where it works, and employs local people to develop sustainable projects.  As they say here, God willing, I’ll be back….

How many heifers are you worth?

Yesterday we had parachute fun with Uncle Mike – he tried out some of the games in the new books I brought.  He told the children the story of Peter walking on the water. We played some of the usual manic games too – there’s nothing like the sound of children screeching with laughter (unless you’re Tom who wasn’t too well yesterday and was trying to rest).

This morning we went to church. The service started at 9am. We arrived at about 9.20am having waited for some of the girls to get ready – Teddy was sent back for the Ukulele as they decided the Global Care choir would sing in church again. 

We went to the Ateso service as the English one starts at 6am…. (We’re not taking this seriously are we?). Some of the girls came with us.  As we’re walking along, Joy suddenly says “Auntie you will dance and dance. Auntie you will sing and sing. Auntie you will sweat!”  She wasn’t wrong…. After an hour of dancing, jumping, clapping in a packed church hall I was definitely sweating – as were most of the other church goers.

We entered the building at about 9.45am when the previous service finished (this was the one that started at 6am!!).  We had a lovely surprise as we met Gertrude who we know from previous visits.  I was greeted warmly by one of the ladies living near the Global Care centre who I've been waving to as I pass by every day.

When people pray in church here they all pray together which is great because we can join in whatever language is used.  I found it very moving to be there with those girls who I’m growing to love. As I looked at them and prayed I realised how church is a release for them – they can really let themselves go in praise and worship and they truly believe that whatever their situations, God is trustworthy and faithful.  

Yesterday we chatted about their families and how they are sad that I don’t have daughters.  They asked me what I thought of big families.  They think it’s important to have lots of daughters so you can gain wealth when you marry them off.  Actually on Friday I was asked how much Tom paid for me – imagine the horror that I was free – I must be absolutely useless, uneducated, and no good at running a home and supporting my family. I daren’t ask Tom how many cows he would have paid for me!

Anyway, back to church.  There were 3 choir performances including ours. If you want to sing you pass a slip of paper forward with your name on. It seems no-one is refused!  There was a sermon, translated by Naume who did her best for the hour or so. There was an offering, after which the non-monetary gifts were sold off - these seemed to be mostly bags of maize..... and a live chicken!  Several testimonies and about 45 minutes of notices followed.  What time did we leave? About 12.30.

We came home through the market and as I was hungry after all that church, we treated our 'translator' and 2 other companions to Rolex - 2 eggs and onions rolled in a chapatti. We shared 2 between the 4 of us as they were so big. Total cost about 60p.  A very pleasant end to an excellent (if lengthy) morning.

Home thoughts from abroad

This morning after I ate my breakfast of bread and jam and mango on the porch, I thought about the last week in Soroti.  In the background cocks are crowing, people are working in their maize field on the other side of the fence, Fortunate the cook is walking backwards and forwards across the compound, her 2 small children come and ask me to play and the girls wave as they walk back to their rooms from the cookhouse.  It’s 8.30am on Saturday.  One of the younger girls has visitors staying and it’s lovely to see her playing like a little girl.  There are 13 girls who board here although they don’t all stay at the weekends. Uncle Mike will be here soon and we'll play parachute games with the local children.

I start to think about the people I’ve met and stories I’ve heard and once again it hits me that we really are worlds apart.  I’ll go home next week to my 4 bedroomed house with gas cooker, 2 bathrooms, and all mod cons. I can drive my own car wherever and whenever I want – even late at night through the country lanes near our house, and without having to navigate enormous potholes.  I can walk on a pavement or ride my bike without having to move out of the way of thundering lorries, or cover my face from thick red dust.

Imagine a family of 5 (or 6, or 8) sharing a one-roomed house with mud floor and walls and no window. No separate kitchen and a shared latrine.  If you live in a town or suburb you may have access to water but you pay for it on a sliding scale depending on whether it’s from a bore-hole, spring or tap – but you have to fetch it yourself.   You may sleep on the floor, a mat, a mattress or if you’re really lucky, a bed. You’re unlikely to sleep alone in a family home, you have to share all available space with other adults or children. 

If you can, you go to work.  If you’re a woman, your husband may not want you to get a job even if it means guaranteed food each day, if he wants you to be able to look after him, your home, the garden, and your children.  

If you have health problems you can get an appointment at a clinic if you can afford it – but you may have to wait for hours however sick you are.  Some people think there’s no point going because they can’t afford the tests or medication that might result.  If children are given medication they may forget to take it or not understand how important it is, unless they have an adult who will monitor it.  You can get free HIV treatment – but you have to take it in order to get well. 

As I was musing over this, someone arrived and told me that he’d been up all night with a friend who had been stabbed. They’d driven round all night trying to find a hospital that could help – but they aren’t fully staffed at night and are very busy.  Eventually the police helped them but it was too late and his friend had bled to death.  The only response I could think of was to do a very un-Ugandan thing and give my friend a hug. 

Today I’ve chatted to people about how to progress the project for children with disabilities,  how to cultivate crops to support your family, about the bee keeping project here at Global Care, about ways of generating sustainable income, about the lives of women and about the responsibilities and costs of caring for sick and orphaned children.  I have made some amazing friends here and I genuinely love the people and this place as a second home. But it’s easy for me, I come with a suitcase full of play goodies for the children and I help out where I can.  Then I go to my ‘first’ home.   

Each day someone asks me ‘Auntie, when are you leaving?’ I wish there was a way of explaining that each time I come, a little bit of my heart gets left behind when I go home.

Nursery schools – prison and Odatai

Today we have been to the market and bought some food for today and tomorrow, Tom has taken Sam’s daughter to the clinic for tests see (Dr Tom goes Global) I met our friend Anne who I have missed on this visit, I've run a report and proposal writing chat/workshop, played with bubbles with assorted small children and visited Fortune's house.  We've had no power all day.

We’ve met some incredible people here. It sounds a cliché but it’s absolutely true!

Our Western concept of what it means to work hard or be busy, bears no comparison to some of the people here.  It’s a strange thing to get used to – on the one hand time keeping is non-existent and we seem to spend a lot of time waiting for one thing or another, but people are incredibly hard working and their days start at first light and end at darkness.  

When I came 2 years ago I was deeply moved by the plight of the children of women prisoners. If a woman is arrested and her children are at home with her, unless someone comes and offers to care for the children, they go with her to the prison, and there they stay.  Often the family will disown a woman in prison and the children get left and forgotten. Woman who are pregnant go to hospital with guards and the mother and baby go back to the prison together. Babies who are not being breastfed, and any other children, have to share the mother’s food.  They become institutionalised and sick. 

Our friend, Gertrude, who works for Global Care, is part of a team that visit women’s prisons and take in food, clothing & other necessities for the woman and children. 

his year she gave us exciting news. There are two new initiatives for the children of prisoners - there are almost 100 children in the system at the present time.

Children’s Home:  Two ladies offer a home to 22 children of prisoners. They apply for papers from the probation service for each child and then give the children back to their mothers on their release. It takes time to process the papers and if they are not given, the children can go to the day care centre.  The children’s home means that the only children left in prison are those who are still breast feeding or whose papers are not processed.

·        Day Care Centre   41 children attend the day care centre where they are given food and play and reading. They go back to stay overnight with their mothers in prison but to have the day out is a major improvement.

It is encouraging to know that people don’t give up – that they work tirelessly until they find a solution.  It’s hard for us to imagine a situation where children would be treated like this – but if you think hard about it you realise there are plenty of situations throughout the world where children are neglected and forgotten.  It’s easy to pretend it doesn’t happen in my country – then my conscience doesn't have to worry about it!  Note to Adrian W. – I feel another study topic brewing in my brain…..

Yesterday I met the lovely Betty who is the person entrusted by her community to look after a nursery school.  The parents and guardians were concerned that schools were a long way away and they decided to start their own initiative to bring the children together. Betty is the only teacher and she has had no training.  

 Betty said: “In 2010 we started with 25 children which is now lowered to 17 because of the challenges. These are that we have a major problem keeping children because they are very sickly, and parents are not able to support by providing food so they come with no food. They have nothing to sit on and sit on mud and cow dung. There are no learning kits like blackboard or chalk.”

Children are aged 3-5years and when they arrive at 8am they sweep their class and then start.  They pray, recite their alphabet, draw and sing and go home again at 10.30am because they are so young and also because there is no food to give them. 

The skills workshop here made them school uniforms which they were given yesterday.  

What incredible people – I wasn’t exaggerating was I?

Thoughts about children

 When you say to a child ‘What did you do today?’ What do you expect them to say?

When you say to a child ‘Do you like school, what do you like best about school?’ What do you expect them to say?

When you buy a gift for a child, what do you buy?

I realised yesterday that now I’ve been here a few times, I’ve started to see children just as ‘children’.  I don’t see the torn, dirty, clothes and bare feet; I laugh at them playing in the dust; I smile at mothers coping with several children and breast feeding a baby while running a market stall;  I’m not surprised when they want to pinch or stroke my white skin;  I see children.   I see happy children, sad children, sick children, poor children, hungry children – children. 

At Angoram yesterday, the children giggled and sniggered behind their hands. Some were shy and afraid in front of the Mzungu Auntie.  Expected behaviour from children faced with a stranger.  I realised they don’t want my pity or my sadness; they want to be accepted and loved the same as all children.  They don’t want us to focus on their misfortunes any more than the people with disability want us to focus on their disability.  It would be arrogant of me to think that I understand how life is for them, I can’t empathise or help them emotionally – they need Ugandans like the staff here, who can listen to them and their guardians and who understand the reality of their lives.  What I can do is visit them and bring a bit of excitement into their lives.  I can play with them, talk to them and show them that I care.  I can pray for them, I can give what I can to charities like Global Care that I respect and trust and I know will use my money wisely.  When I start processing what’s going on around me here I realise that I’m unbelievably fortunate to be able to visit and see things first hand.  

Today we had the privilege of spending several hours with some of the Global Care sponsored children at the Childcare Centre.  We played with them… Tom invented a game involving a Frisbee and a goalpost - he didn’t keep score but I’m sure we girls won.  We drew with them and sang with them, we talked to them, and they received gifts bought with UK money.  

The gifts included: school uniforms for nursery children, mango and citrus trees, hoes, mosquito nets, sleeping mats, school packs, plastic water drums, mattresses, lanterns, a wheelbarrow… and a piglet.  It never ceases to amaze me what gets carried on the back of a push bike or motorcycle.  

We weren’t sure whether to laugh or cry as an assortment of parents, children, teachers and guardians left on foot, cycle or motorbike carrying a variety of kit.  A six year old with a mattress, hoe and plant, a young teenager with a piglet under her arm and a mat on the other side!

So who were these children? They were children who all told me they love school, that the best thing about school is studying and learning, listening to teachers.  They have aspirations too – to be doctors and nurses. 

I asked them about their day. (Names changed). Mary told me that she lives with her mother, an older sister and 4 other brothers & sisters. Her mother and these 4 children are all not well. Each day she gets up and sweeps the compound before she goes to school.  School here usually lasts from 8am to 5pm although the first 2 classes (P1 and P2) finish at lunchtime.  When Mary gets home again, she washes the plates and looks after the goats then it’s time for bed.

John’s morning chore before school is weeding the cassava garden.  Then he walks to school. School can be up to 4km away – most of the children walk, often for part of the way either through the bush or alongside busy roads with heavy traffic and filthy red dust.  When John gets home the first thing he has to do is walk a mile to fetch water. “You’re never given food to eat before you’ve fetched water.  So then I’m given food.” He has cassava and sometimes bread and greens. After eating, he sweeps the compound or brings in the goats and that is how his day ends.  There are 8 people in John’s family, 3 adults, his grandmother, grandfather and great uncle, and 5 children.

Emmanuel is regarded as a total orphan as he has no living adult relatives. His father had two wives and both the father and John’s mother died.  His step-mother looks after 6 children.  In the morning before school, he cultivates (heaps) potatoes and then goes home to help his ‘mother’ take the goats to graze in the bush. When he gets home again he goes to fetch water then helps with cooking for the family.

These children don’t see themselves as special – this is how life is.  Some looked bewildered by the gifts, others delighted, yet these are things that we would take for granted – a bed, light, water.  I have friends who I suspect would buy their children plants, a wheelbarrow and hoes – but their lives don’t depend on their children being able to support the cultivation of crops for food. 

We met 3 sponsored children who are particularly special to us today.  A lovely bright bubbly girl who is sponsored by church friends, a rather timid, dazed looking little girl whom we sponsor and our Pete’s little ‘brother’.  We get letters from them and the older ones ‘know’ us and our families.   But our little girl didn’t want to talk today so we left her alone.  She doesn’t want to be smothered - her family needs the hoe and plant, and she needs the mattress.  So many of the young men and women we’ve met and who work here or support the work here were sponsored themselves. They all talk of how it changed their lives and the lives of their families.  

Today we weren’t the special guests sitting in chairs at the front while others sit on benches or the dirty ground. Today was about the children, children who need our love and support…. and I’ll try and keep the tears and frustration and heartbreak moments for when I get home and reflect on this experience, because I don’t think for one minute this soft English woman going back to her easy comfortable life really has a clue about the suffering and pain I see behind people’s eyes. 

And on a very different note – not surprisingly everyone round here wants pork for supper tonight. Some of us may even be lucky enough to get it….